Middle-Earth Got A Bible And A Flag: Tolkien’s Christo-Fascist Fantasy Land

By Brad Spliff

You Ever Sit Back And Realize Your Whole Childhood Was Lowkey An Op?

I’m Talkin’ About The Way They Handed Us These Big Shiny “Classics”—Lord Of The Rings, The Hobbit, All That—And Told Us, “This Is Peak Imagination.” Like Tolkien Was The Top Chef At The Fantasy Buffet.

But Nobody Told Us What Was Really Baked Into That Lembas Bread.

‘Cause When You Sit With It—Really Sit With It—You Start To Smell Something Funny Under All That Elf Dust And Pipeweed.

Middle-Earth? That Ain’t Just Fantasy. That’s Christo-Fascist Fan Fiction.

Real Talk.

The Shire Is Suburbia, Not Utopia

First Off, Let’s Look At The Shire.

Everybody Loves The Shire, Right? Cute Little Hobbits, Barefoot And Gardening, Making Second Breakfast And Mindin’ They Business.

But Pull The Hood Back For A Second.

The Shire Is White-Flight Suburbia Before Suburbia Was Even A Thing.

Homogenous. Isolated. Suspicious Of Outsiders. No People Of Color, No Class Struggle, No Real Diversity—Just Cozy Lil’ Anglo-Saxon Cosplays.

It’s Literally Tolkien’s Idea Of “An Ideal England.”

Ain’t That A Bitch?

Whole Vibe Is “Make Middle-Earth Great Again.”

You Think Samwise Gamgee Would’ve Let A Black Hobbit Move Next Door? Man, They Would’ve Called Gandalf To Evict My Ass By Brunch.

Elves: The Original Model Minorities

Now Let’s Talk About The Elves.

Elves Supposed To Be “Pure,” “Wise,” “Beautiful,” “Immortal.”

Sound Familiar?

That’s The Same Racial Hygiene Talk They Was Preachin’ Back When Tolkien Was Alive. Elves Ain’t Just Mystical—They The Blueprint For Aryan Fantasy: Tall, Blonde, Graceful, Untouched By The Grime Of Humanity.

Straight-Up Angelic Manifest Destiny With Pointy Ears.

Meanwhile, The Orcs?

Dark-Skinned, “Deformed,” Savage.

Born To Be Hated, Killed, And Never Understood.

Tolkien Ain’t Give The Orcs No Redemption Arc. No Nuance. No “Maybe They Just Hungry And Traumatized.” Nah.

Just Stab ‘Em, Burn ‘Em, Call It Righteousness.

In Tolkien’s World, Good Is White, Evil Is Black. Simple. Biblical. Brutal.

Frodo Was Just A Bible Study Kid With A Sword

Peep The Main Story:

Frodo, The Little Hobbit Underdog, Gets Tasked With Carrying This Evil, Corruptive Ring—A Metaphor For Power And Sin—To Its Destruction.

Cute, Right?

Except Frodo’s Whole Journey Is One Big-Ass Youth Group Retreat Adventure.

It’s Sin And Redemption 101.

Tolkien Even Said He Hated “Allegory” But Come On, Dawg.

The Ring = Sin. Frodo = Jesus Jr.

Sam = Church Homie Who Never Let You Backslide.

Meanwhile, The Whole Fellowship?

Dudes Who Literally Have To “Resist Temptation,” “Stay Pure,” And “Trust The Path Laid Before Them.”

Bruh, That’s Not Fantasy—That’s Bible Camp With Swords And More Running.

Aragorn: Your Local White Savior King

Let’s Get To Aragorn, Though.

The Real Prize Of The Story.

Aragorn Is The Rightful King In Exile, Hiding Among The Commoners, Waiting For The Moment God Calls Him Back To “Restore” The Kingdom.

Man, If That Ain’t Some Christian Nationalist Wet Dream, I Don’t Know What Is.

White Masculinity Drippin’ Off The Page Like Holy Water.

Dude Even Gets The Big, Shiny Sword Reforged.

Symbolizing The Return Of “Divine Right,” “Noble Bloodlines,” And “Order.”

Same Sword Those Proud Boy Types Wanna Wave Around At Capitol Protests, Swear To God.

You Think It’s A Coincidence That Tolkien Ends The Saga With The “True” King Being Crowned, The World Restored To Its “Proper” Hierarchy, And Everybody Singing Hymns?

That’s Not Fantasy. That’s Western Civilization’s Retirement Plan.

The East Is Evil And Brown, Of Course

And Don’t Get Me Started On The So-Called “Easterlings” And “Southrons.”

You Know—The Ones Rollin’ With Sauron.

Dark-Skinned, Exotic, “Barbaric.”

Show Up Ridin’ On Elephants Like Tolkien Just Copy-Pasted A Crusade Propaganda Poster.

No Depth. No Backstory.

Just “Look Brown, Be Evil.”

Meanwhile, The White Folks In Gondor?

Sittin’ Pretty Behind Stone Walls, Callin’ Themselves The Stewards Of Good And Light And Godliness.

Tolkien’s Whole Map Lowkey Built Like A Colonial Strategy Game.

“Light-Skinned West Good. Dark-Skinned East Bad. Defend The Borders Or Civilization Falls.”

Ain’t No Accident.

Man Fought In WWI, Lived Through WWII, Saw The Fall Of The British Empire—And Still Thought The Real Tragedy Was England Losin’ The Plantation.

Don’t Get It Twisted: Tolkien Ain’t Hitler

(But He Ain’t Innocent, Neither)

Now, To Be Fair—Tolkien Wasn’t Hitler.

He Hated Nazis.

He Even Clowned On Fascists In Letters.

But Here’s The Thing:

You Can Hate Fascists And Still Write Fascist Fantasies.

You Can Hate Dictatorship And Still Dream Of A Righteous King Ordained By God.

You Can Hate Racism In The Streets And Still Be Racist In Your Dreams.

Tolkien’s Politics Wasn’t Black Boot Fascism—It Was That Softer, Velvet-Glove Version:

The One That Says, “People Are Happier When They Stay In Their Lane.”

The One That Says, “Hierarchy Is Natural, And Good.”

The One That Thinks You’re Free, As Long As You Know Your Place.

Why It Matters

You Might Say, “Brad, It’s Just A Story, Dawg. Let People Enjoy Things!”

Yeah. Sure. Enjoy It. Smoke Your Pipeweed.

But Don’t Front Like It Ain’t Pushing Something Deeper.

Stories Shape How We See Power.

How We See Beauty.

How We See Who’s Human And Who’s Monster.

When You Grow Up On Middle-Earth And Nobody Tells You The Shire Is A Gated Community, You Start Thinking That’s Normal.

When Every Hero Looks Like Jesus And Every Villain Looks Like Bin Laden, You Start Thinking That’s How The World Should Be.

Tolkien Didn’t Just Build A Fantasy.

He Built A Blueprint For Christian Empire Nostalgia.

Wrapped It Up In Magic And Second Breakfast So You Wouldn’t Notice.

And Now We Out Here, 70 Years Later, Wondering Why Half The Country Think They’re Knights Defending The Sacred Kingdom From “Evil Invaders.”

Man, Tolkien Sold Y’all A Bedtime Story And You Woke Up In A Crusade.

If Y’all Can Keep Tolkien, We Gon’ Keep Hogwarts

Let Me Go Ahead And Say This While I Got The Mic:

If White Leftists Gon’ Keep Readin’ Tolkien With Zero Smoke,

Don’t Come Around Clutchin’ Your Ethically-Sourced Pearls When Black Folks Still Ridin’ With Hogwarts.

Yup. I Said It.

Every Time A Black Leftist Posts A Harry Potter Meme Or Calls Somebody A Slytherin, Here Come The Twitter Monks:

“Umm, You Know J.K. Rowling Is A TERF, Right?”

Yeah, Dawg. We Know.

We Knew That Before She Spelled It Out In Hogwarts Runes.

But The Minute I Bring Up Tolkien’s Holy Crusade Fantasy, Suddenly It’s All,

“Well, You Have To Consider The Historical Context…”

Where’s That Same Critical Reading Energy Now?

J.K. Gave Us Wands And Trauma, But Tolkien Gave Y’all A Whole-Ass Blueprint For Christian Ethnostates—And You Over Here Arguing About Elf Lore Like It’s Gospel.

And Here’s The Thing: Rowling’s World Got Problems.

She Named The Only Asian Girl Cho Chang Like She Filled Out A Racist Mad Lib.

Her Werewolf Allegory For HIV Was A Mess.

She Built A Goblin Banking Class That Makes Fagin From Oliver Twist Look Subtle.

It’s Racist, Sloppy, And Sometimes Straight-Up Negligent.

Say What You Want About Rowling—She Told You What White Supremacy Look Like

But—At The Very Least—Rowling Told Kids Racism Was Bad.

Hamfisted? Yes.

Shallow? Definitely.

But Harry Don’t Win Unless He Stands With The Oppressed, Protects His Brown Classmates, And Fights The Wizard Cops.

Tolkien, On The Other Hand, Barely Knew Racism Existed Outside Of A “Bloodline” Metaphor.

The Death Eaters Weren’t Just “Bad Guys.”

They Were Klan In Capes.

Wizards Talkin’ About “Blood Purity” And Taking Back Their Culture From The “Impure.”

They Ain’t Just March—They Worked At The Damn Ministry.

They Had Jobs. They Had Power.

They Made Laws.

That’s Called Systemic Oppression, Baby.

Sidebar:

Death Eaters = Proud Boys With Better Magic.

Lucius Malfoy = That Wealthy Jim Crow Politician With A Law Degree And An Ancestor Who Owned Your Family.

Rowling, For All Her Bullshit, Showed Kids That White Supremacy Ain’t Just A Skull Tattoo—It’s A Payroll System.

It’s An HR Department.

It’s A Policy Platform.

She Looked Fascism In The Eye And Said, “That’s The Villain.”

Tolkien? He Said Evil Lives In A Volcano.

So Yeah.

Rowling Might Be A Problematic Auntie,

But Tolkien Out Here Drawin’ Maps For Christian Dominionist LARP Groups.

Lovecraft Was Just Tolkien With Tentacles And Open Racism

And While We At It—

Let’s Talk About The Real Boss Level Of Problematic Fantasy: H.P. Lovecraft.

Y’all Be Actin’ Like Lovecraft Was Some Tortured Genius Of Cosmic Horror.

And Yeah, Okay, He Made Monsters Outta The Void And Gave Us Paranoia With Tentacles.

But Let’s Not Forget…

Lovecraft Was The Kind Of Racist That Made Other Racists Say “Damn, Bro, Chill.”

He Wrote Whole Poems With The N-Word In The Title.

Called Black People Subhuman.

Feared Immigrants Like They Were Literal Fish Monsters.

His Idea Of “Cosmic Terror” Was Basically “What If New York Had Too Many Brown People?”

Cthulhu Ain’t The Villain. Lovecraft’s Worldview Is.

But You Don’t See White Horror Nerds Throwin’ Away Their Mythos Books.

Nah—They’ll Just Say, “Well, We’ve Reinterpreted Him.”

So What’s The Play Here?

White Authors Get “Complicated Legacies.”

Black Fans Get “Problematic Taste.”

Lovecraft Gets Praised For “Transcending Fear,” Even Though His Fear Was Just The Bronx.

Tolkien Gets Crowned The Father Of Fantasy, Even Though His Fantasy Was Christian Monarchy For White Folks.

Rowling Gets Torched—And She Should—But Let’s Not Pretend She Invented Bigotry With A Wand.

If Y’all Gon’ Keep Settin’ Up Altars To These Crusty Old Racist Wizards,

Don’t Trip When We Summon Our Own Flawed Icons And Remix ’Em.

If You Can Reclaim Lovecraft,

I Can Keep A Copy Of The Prisoner Of Azkaban On My Shelf And Sleep Just Fine.

Keep That Same Wand Energy, Player.

Final Word

Am I Saying Cancel Tolkien?

Hell Nah. I Love A Good Wizard Fight As Much As Anybody.

I’m Just Saying: Open Your Third Eye, Lil’ Hobbit.

Next Time You Crack Open The Fellowship Of The Ring,

Just Remember…

Middle-Earth Got A Bible And A Flag.

And Some Of Y’all Been Saluting That Shit Since Third Grade.